Much Lighter Topic But I Am In Need Of Help

[alan donougher]

My wife goes 140kms north this afternoon to look after grandees. (We do this quite often in Australia. Takes an hour & a half. Easy drive.) I am left alone to cater for myself. For 3 days !! No problem ! I am a good cook. I go to the cupboard but dislodge a packet of Country Cheese Biscuits. They hit the floor and spread out everywhere from their plastic wrap around. I tried to put them back ,(subject to cleanliness) into their original packet. I could not fit them into the plastic !! No matter what I do, they don't fit. I tried everything!!!

This is a small thing in the scheme of things but I ask the question: How do you get things back into the original package ?
Before my wife comes home?? Because the original packet looks somewhat unusual. It's not the cost. I just don't want to look like an imbecile.

Is it just patience or am I missing a technique ? This could only go in the Off Topic Area but I am serious. Should I throw the remaining packet in the bin & buy a new one ?

Alan

[dickiesam]

Oh dear! Another can of worms problem.... or a cave of snakes..? Depends on where you live!
Technically it is virtually impossible to get the contents back into a machine packed pack. The packing machine uses as little material as possible so the pack is really tight and will have 'shaped' itself around each individual biscuit. In my opinion there are three ways to fix this.

1) Using a very sharp blade make a straight slit down the pack for about 3/4 of its length. Reinsert the biscuits and use narrow transparent adhesive tape to close the slit. This side of the world we call that tape Sellotape. I've been told down your side you call it something like Durex? Which is the name of a popular 'rubber' contraceptive 'device' here. The uninitiated could get confused and end up getting a lass pregnant!

2) Depending on the way the packing material is sealed you might be able to unseal the edges and reseal them with 'super-glue after putting the bickies back.

3) My favourite.... get the hoover out for the little bits and the dust pan and brush for the big bits. Chuck the broken bits into a neighbour's bin, burn the wrapper, then nip out and buy a fresh pack and say nowt!

[Bertieone]

Clean up thoroughly, eat the remaining biscuits and dispose of wrapper in next doors bin, when approached by wifey, i.e. "where's those cheese biscuits" deny all knowledge of said items and suggest a trip to the doctors for a memory test. To make it more convincing, sell the Grand Piano, if you can convince her you've never owned a Grand Piano or cheese biscuits, you're on a winner.

[dickiesam]

Clean up thoroughly, eat the remaining biscuits and dispose of wrapper in next doors bin, when approached by wifey, i.e. "where's those cheese biscuits" deny all knowledge of said items and suggest a trip to the doctors for a memory test. To make it more convincing, sell the Grand Piano, if you can convince her you've never owned a Grand Piano or cheese biscuits, you're on a winner.

Very much LOL, Bert!

[simone]

Alan... be sure your sins will find you out....what a tangled web.... i reckon you need to be a man.. stand tall and come clean about those crakers you know you can't get anything past wifeys we can sniff a deception out 140kms off never mind a mile off

[Barbara B]

Any pets in the house? Blame the cat or the dog.(this won't work if you have a goldfish....)
Enjoy the crackers.
Barbara

[erika]

Just tell wifey you couldn't be bothered to cook and needed to lose a few pounds anyway. However over the three days you did get a bit peckish, so scoffed all the crackers
Or just tell the truth, how boring

[MaryA]

You've all cracked me up! I'm with Bertie on this one, have a good hoover and buy a replacement pack, hoping she will never know.

[alan donougher]

Peccavi ! I hope this means: "I have sinned."
But you have all made me feel human.
Until my next confusion
Many thanks,
Alan

[big g]

I have enjoyed this......brightens up the day!!

[dickiesam]

Peccavi ! I hope this means: "I have sinned."
But you have all made me feel human.
Until my next confusion
Many thanks,
Alan

Spot on Alan! See.. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/peccavi
When the missus returns and you deign to tell her about the bickie disaster don't forget to keep muttering mea culpa, mea culpa.....

[MaryA]

don't forget to keep muttering mea culpa, mea culpa.....

whilst bowing obsequiously backwards

[alan donougher]

To bring it to a conclusion !

She arrived home and unpacked. Came to the kitchen and her first comment was, " It's cleaner than when I left. What happened?

Quick as a wink I replied, " I had a spare half hour after I had mowed, put out the washing, done the dishes, folded the clothes, removed all cobwebs from both inside and out, weeded the vegetable garden, washed the paintwork in the carport, prepared 3 varieties of soup for the freezer and tried my best at ironing, but you know I'm not an expert. Then I washed the kitchen floor as I had a bit of time before I went shopping.

No follow up comment from her!!

And the left over Biscuits ??? I ground them into crumbs to be used later as a coating on fish. No way of judging how many were initially there.

Alan

[big g]

[dickiesam]

Well done, that man. Take a Gold Star!

[simone]

Nice on Alan