Belinda's Christmas Duff

[Katie]

Came across this little cracker just before Christmas which I was going to post, but as per usual it was placed on the ever growing newspaper collection at mine. Enjoy and hope it makes you smile! all best wishes for the New Year.

BELINDA’S CHRISTMAS DUFF

“Twas in the year when Germany smashed up all Europe’s peace,
And Britain’s fleet was ordered out the Ocean wide to police.

Belinda then was all dismayed, poor Jack! far, far from home,
Would spend a duffless Christmastide upon the bounding foam.

“I’ll give dear Jack a real surprise, a proper mother’s treat.
The Christmas pudding I, will send. He cannot help but eat”

Although her cooking never had gone past plain apple tart,
She guessed, with Mrs. Beaton’s aid, she’d make a real good start.

Her own fair hands soon stoned the plums, she even chopped the suet,
And vow’d this pudding should be hers, no other one should do it.

The duff was made, a goodly one, and packed up strong and neat,
To reach, eventually, dear Jack On board the Squirt-Grand Fleet.

“Belinda, sweetheart! What is this?” He muttered as he hacked,
But after thirty minutes work Twas neither bent nor cracked.

Then suddenly the bugle call gave out its shrill alarm,
And Jack closed up, as turret’s crew The pudding ‘neath his arm.

The German fleet was out from Kiel, the order came to load,
And Jack – he wasted not a tick, Belinda’s duff was stowed.

Just what trajectory was reached I really cannot say,
But all was well until a ship Got in its hurried way

The battle cruiser Von der Tann went up in one big puff,
With her magazine well punctured by Belinda’s Christmas duff!

No need to tell the tale again, about the famous fight,
Which ended as the V.D.T, was wiped clean out of sight.

And Jack! he wrote a letter back, just like all sailors do-
“I enjoyed the pudding muchly, because twas made by you.

There is also a poetical epilogue which bounds ahead into the futurity.
The war is ended “sometime next June” – I hope the Natal’s poet is a true prophet.
And Jack and Belinda get married. At Winkleton-on-Sea they spend their honeymoon and:-

Then right to their very feet, the waves an object flung.
While Jack looked on with stony eyes, his heart with terror wrung.
Then suddenly – a bright idea, he cries “Beware a mine”
But Linda isn’t taking it; she answers “No, Jack, mine”

Of course she forgives him and they live happily ever after.


2nd January 1915 taken from the Natal Column published in the local press.

retranscribed by Kathyd

[dickiesam]

Thank you Katie for the fun read.

Back in the recesses of the ould grey matter I have a notion of having heard/read that before. Possibly as a recitation, a la music hall.

DS

[MaryA]

Well that gave me a New Year's eve chuckle, all the best and thank you.