Meandering thoughts about a burial of a baby

[MaryA]

I was reading the Journal - have also noted Erika's excellent piece in there too, good one, thanks for putting it forward as well as posting the details on here.

In one of the articles it mentions that a child buried in a local Cemetery had been "popped in" with other relatives, an economical solution but that she wasn't mentioned on the headstone.

It got me wondering about my uncle who had died as a baby. Thomas Lunt was born in March 1915 and died in the November of the same year. As another of those infant deaths I had merely accepted it, said my little prayer for the mite and logged the details in my tree. I had been told the story that when he became ill, I suspect of something chesty, croup or whooping cough perhaps, his mother Kate had been told by the local women to take him down to the Pier Head where the sea air would do him good, apparently she regretted doing this as the baby died not long afterwards.

Many years later in the 1950's and 1960's she used to visit her son, my dad and our family out "in the country" as she called Kirkby, this was a big difference from the life she knew in Kirkdale. My dad discovered gardening when he had moved to this house and in the summer the garden was always a riot of colour, especially dahlias and roses, of which he always picked a huge bunch for nan to take home with her. After her tea I would walk her round to the bus stop and she should have been home by about 7.00 pm, however her daughter who she lived with often became worried when she hadn't arrived back until after 9 o'clock, empty handed, having been "round the graves" with the flowers.

As she was a good Catholic and brought up her children in the faith (this however, was my bigamist grandmother) I wasn't surprised to find the burial of little Tommy at Ford Cemetery where I was wondering if he had been "popped in" with others. Her own parents were buried at Ford, her mother in the grave with her sister and other members of the family and commemorated on their headstone, but her father was in a general grave, with just a field to stare at when visiting him and the only other family member I knew of was her son in law who had died when his own children were very young. I knew from the indexes of the grave who was buried in each, Kate herself later being buried in the grave with her son in law and her daughter.

So I found the burial record for Tommy on 10 November, 1915 - Residence Children's Infirmary - 8 months old - Grave No. 1166.

So what prompted my little story, which I hope you don't mind my telling, many of you have wondered how or where a baby in their family had been buried.

Would I find him popped in with others, whether they were family members or unknowns? No it was a general grave but just on the two pages in front of me where his burial was listed was a total of 8 in the same grave, all of them babies, the oldest being 19 months and the youngest being only 23 days. It's so sad to think of the heartbreak of those parents but it makes me feel a little better to think of all those babies tucked up together and their spirits like little cherubs on clouds playing with their toes.

[dickiesam]

A touching read! Thank you.

[simone]

Hi Mary

I have to say that this is still a practice carried out nowadays...although I suspect it is more of a choice nowadays rather than a necessity.

My own baby boy Matthew born in 1988 and died the same day is in a grave with other babies who died within a month of birth..
The option at the time was to arrange a burial ourselves or have him buried in a grave supplied by the Hospital.. A difficult decision to make at the time.. feeling that he deserved his own resting place with a headstone to validate his all but short life, but he would rest on his own in what we considered a lonely place. However, your lovely comment 'but it makes me feel a little better to think of all those babies tucked up together and their spirits like little cherubs on clouds playing with their toes.' is exactly how we felt when we made our decision. No we can never have any sort of headstone or named memorial on the grave but he is not alone, and I know the names of all other 9 babies with him ( thanks to St Helens Cemetery database!)

Like you say it must have been so heartbreaking at the time for all those parents of the children you found, but I'm pretty sure they found comfort in the fact that their children were not alone.

Thanks for the post Mary

Simone x

[MaryA]

Hi Simone,

I'm sure that even after all these years the loss of your Matthew still hurts and I grieve with you for him.

How good of you to share your own memory of that time with us. Your comments are just what I had hoped others would feel, I know how often we are asked on here about the burial of a baby and so often we can only say that failing to find other evidence, they might have been tucked into the side of an adult burial on the same day, but this way is so much nicer and I hope the thought that this is a common practice gives some comfort to others.

[Tina]

Thanks so much Mary for sharing Thomas with us and Kate.
Beautifully written.
Simone, brave Mum for telling us about your precious Matthew.
To all the little ones, sleep peacefully while you continue your journey, together.
Love is eternal.

[simone]

Thanks Mary... yes it still hurts as it must do for everyone who has lost someone, no matter how long ago... and I often look at my other son Tom and wonder if they are alike, especially at the moment now he is nearly 20 years old (but I suspect part of that is the looming 'empty nest syndrome' ) I bet your grandmother did the same

However, everything happens for a reason and I have a lot to thank Matthew for, I have 2 other lovely children who came along a couple of years after him . Tom bears Matthew's name as his middle name.

I'm glad you found Thomas and isn't it wonderful that he will never be forgotten, as I'm sure he takes his place proudly with his siblings on your tree


Simone x

[simone]

Thanks Tina.. lovely message