"IF I WERE ONLY SINGLE"

[Katie]

I came across this ditto in the Evening Express published 28th May 1918. At this time men aged 40 and upwards were being called to enlist. (I mean they had already lost a complete generation of young men) now they wanted to start on all those older men to fill the holes of the depleted British Army.

I suppose it is human nature for the younger men to have their fling at the over forties who are finding themselves called up. At any rate some more or less diverting satire in verse directed at the veterans is going the rounds at certain Liverpool haunts just now. I give one of the efforts I have seen, leaving out the swear words:-

You know the bounder, hair tinged grey,
So well preserved-well know as "gay"
Through married-fond of weekend trips,
The man who gets good "stable tips"
Lifts "fifty sixers" with each hand,
An athlete of the Sandow brand,
The getting on "Fit as a fiddle"
A little flabby round the middle

By Gad, said he when war broke out,
The single men that knock about,
And our brave lads across the foam
And those d-------worms---they stop at home;
It makes the blood in me fair tingle,
I wish to God that I was single,
I'd d----well fight for King and Queen
That's what he said -----------1914

He went out canvassing each day
Persuading men to join the fray
Regretting that he could not go
His age against it-don't you know.
Too old at 42---tom rot:-
Just feel the muscles I have got!
You can't class me "an old has been"
That's what he said-------------1915

And then he cursed the-------war
Now what on earth's The fighting for?
We still want men to meet the foe,
I wish to---they'd let me go.
If I was under forty---well
I'd join at once--play "merry ----"
Who doubt this chicken isn't keen?
That's what he said-------------1916

My rheumatism's bothering me.
I'm buying glasses-I can't see,
I'm now stone deaf, and far from strong.
The doctor says I won't live long.
My kidneys are all out of gear,
I've been real ill for quite a year.
I've piles of trouble all unseen
That's what he said --------------1917

He seldom goes to business now,
And when he does he crawls somehow
Out of a bath-chair, wheeled by a nurse
He's shortly due inside a hearse.
The age to fifty-one is raised.
That's stopped his chortling-God be praised
You know the very man I mean.
There's crowds of "em"-------------1918